A lollipop said to a chocolate??DAMN WE?RE SWEET!!?
The chocolate replied you think we?re the only sweet ones,
You should see the person reading this message?!
I decided to give you the sweetest and most thoughtful gift
in the world, but unfortunately the postman shouted at me saying
?GET OUT OF THE POST BOX!!!?
LOVE : Loss Of Valuable Energy
Doctor : A person who cures the ills by pills,
and kills by his bills.
You need Money to call someone Honey.
Common sense is common, but... the use of common sense is uncommon !!!!
During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National
Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point
pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was
developed at a cost of $1 million U.S. the pen worked and also enjoyed
some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
partying like fools. They were drinking
boiler makers, buying rounds & yee hawin' !
When asked why the celebration, they boasted that they just finished
a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months!
"TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't
take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one redneck. "The box said 2 - 4 YEARS!
The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second,
defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and
the cab behind you honking.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)
This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say
to his wife "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." He
thinks this sort of speech is a good idea.
So, the morning when he and his wife are eating breakfast he says to his
wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig."
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
A Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.
"What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking.
Look at the test they're making you do now!"
A man is calling the hospital and frantically saying:
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
apart!"
The hospital staff worker asks:
"Is this her first child?"
"No, you, idiot! This is her husband!"
A man is having trouble with his business. Whatever he tries,
nothing seems to work. Exasperated, he goes to church to ask
for an advice. Preacher tell him: "All the answers are in the
Bible, my son. Just open it and you'll see an answer to your
problem". Businessman follows the advice - he goes home, opens
his Bible and the first thing he sees is: "Chapter 11".
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of
the normal six feet ?
Because deep down, they really are good people.